Death is…final, painful, dark, lonely and forever. And as the song goes,”…forever is a long, long time“. Death is a passage, a cyclical expected conclusion. We know death is nearby when a person is very old and frail. Or when someone is suffering from an incurable disease. Then death is welcomed with open arms. We pray – please make the suffering stop and when our prayers are answered, we cry. Isn’t this what we hoped for? But loss is painful even when you know it’s inevitable. It feels like there’s an anvil sitting on your heart and you think the knot in your stomach and the lump in your throat will never go away. The loss is real, the pain is real, our hearts are heavy.
Life is affirming, death is negating.
BUT, but.. what happens when death like the proverbial thief in the night, swoops in and steals a life? Who knew? NO ONE!!! Nobody knew death was lurking nearby, no one suspected the Angel of Death was about to pounce. We didn’t know that yesterday was the last day we would ever see, hear or speak to our friend? How could we know? There was no time to prepare ourselves for her SUDDEN DEATH. The horror and shock and disbelief do little to take away the knife-like pain in your chest. This isn’t a heavy heart, no, it feels like someone ripped your heart out! Denial shows up and for a bit, you tell yourself this can’t be true. She can’t be dead…I just saw her, I just texted her, we were together all day on Easter, I made her hat for God’s sake. And you don’t really believe it happened anyway – because sometimes the tragic truth is too much to bear, to comprehend. Yet the pain, the searing, stabbing pain, you know it’s true.
What am I going to do? Where am I supposed to go? Why isn’t she sitting at the desk next to me? How could she do this to me? Yes, pain is personal and self-involving. I ask…why did you leave me?
Sudden unexpected death is horrible., SNAP! Just like that. She was my friend and now she’s gone. She was a mother and now the girls are motherless, she owned 2 adorable little dogs – what’s going to happen to them? A whole life has to be dealt with; leases, electric bills, credit cards, phones and on and on. Who is going to remember that there is food in the refrigerator? Who stops all the mail? What will they do with all the furniture? Shall I clean out your desk? Our lives are filled with SO MUCH (stuff and such) that the dismantling of a life is one hell of job!
“…and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take”. I hope your soul and your spirit are in a good place. You left us without warning and that wasn’t very nice of you. I miss you already and wonder what I’m going to do without your laughter to make my day at the office fly by. Who am I going to tell my Peter grocery store tales to? Who am I going to walk home with? It’s all very empty right now.
I’m so sorry you’re gone, I’m so sorry you’re not here, I’m so sorry for your daughters and I’m so sorry for myself and my husband who misses you terribly. He really did want to hang those drapes you know. You have left behind so many people who are really really hurting right now but thank God, you left us with some wonderful memories and nobody can take those away.
See you in the ‘ hood…
Bill Ding and his band of clowns are the security patrol for this blog site. He is a favorite toy from the 50*s. By the way sometimes a blog is just an ego-maniacal stream of conscience.
Pbenjay's Blog 
Lori, I’m so sorry. How well you’ve
described sudden premature death.
What a tragedy. So incredibly sad
Thanks Rosemarie. I’m sorry this isn;t a tribute to my friend but rather a personal diary of loss.
So absolutely awful!
I am so sorry to hear of it.
There is no consolation.
Hi Murray,
I sent her the link to your Easter Parade photos and she wrote back saying “just 2” – I had to explain about the arrows at the top. Then she wrote again saying she was glad she asked because “he’s such a great photographer”
Thank you for telling me that. So good of her to complement me.
No words for this senseless premature death. My heart goes out to you and her daughters.
Oh Alice you are my special friend-always there with a ready ear and proverbial wisdom. Peter just picked up the flowers – How thoughtful! just as I was seeing your comment. Thank you Alice
Hugs and love to you my dear
Dear Lora, I am touched that you have reached across the ocean to send me a hug. This has been a very sad ordeal and your kindness is so appreciated. Thank you for being my FB friend.
I don’t know what to say. I am so very MAD at Janice. How could she leave me like this. She was my friend, my neighbor, my crazy New Yorker. My heart is broken. Gisella Neil
Gisella join the club! I keep saying “the nerve of her to leave me like this”. Such a BIG hole in my life and I feel like I’m at loose ends.
Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment.
I could not come to the funeral as I am not currently in New York. I would like however to visit her grave and bring a flower. Can you tell me where is she? Thank you.
HI Gisella, I really don’t know as there was no announcement at the funeral about going to the cemetery. I will try to find out from daughter or sister.
Thank you very much. I have called the funeral home today but they refuse to tell where she is. I really appreciate your help. Have a good day. Gisella