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Archive for the ‘Mental Health Monday’ Category

AUTOBIOGRAPHY in Five Short Chapters

Posted in BY THE WAY, Mental Health Monday, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 5, 2017| 1 Comment »

I found this years ago and saved it and while sorting through “stuff” yesterday, I came across this and once again realized how telling, insightful and truthful it really is.  So, here’s it is, an autobiography written by Portia Nelson.

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There’s A Hole In The Street

I.

I walk down the street.

      There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

      I fall in.

      I am lost…………I am helpless.

                        It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

II.

I walk down the same street.

      There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

      I pretend I don’t see it.

      I fall in, again.

I can’t believe I am in this same place.

                        But, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out. 

III. 

I walk down the same street.

      There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

      I SEE it is there.

      I still fall in………..it’s a habit……but,

                        my eyes are open.

                        I know where I am.

It’s my fault.

I get out immediately. 

IV.

I walk down the same street.

      There is a hole in the sidewalk.

      I walk around it. 

V.

I walk down another street.

 

 

 

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Say Goodbye To Mental Health For Now

Posted in Amuse-bouche du jour, Mental Health Monday, Six Word Memoirs, tagged on June 17, 2014| 1 Comment »

I‘m sorry I have to announce that Mental Health Monday has been suspended (temporarily I hope).  Dr. Barry Lubetkin has told me he has to take a break from his weekly Mental Health tip.  He has a very busy practice and is also in the process of writing a new book.  I hope he will return to us in the Fall.

In the meantime, while I figure out what I’m going to do with Mondays, for today I thought a Six Word Memoir would be appropriate in light of the fact that we will no longer benefit from Dr. Lubetkin’s wise advice.

Six words, no more, no less

It was great while it lasted!

Reread the text to heal thyself

Mental Health Monday Goes On Vacation

Mental Health Monday Goes On Vacation

 

 

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Mirror Mirror On The Wall – Who’s The Fairest Of Them All?

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , , , on June 8, 2014| 1 Comment »

Oil on canvas

Narcissis =-Oil on canvas (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mental Health Monday looks into the world of narcissisim. Here’s what Dr. Barry Lubetkin has to say about this subject.

“One third of couples who seek me out for relationship therapy apparently have at least one member who demonstrates features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This condition can be a killer to healthy intimacy and good communication in relationships. One partner will regularly demonstrate extreme vanity, expectations for special treatment, a hunger for admiration, and most destructively, an inability to feel and express empathy for their partner. They also tend to be exploitative of others and have a very tough time handling critical feedback.

While exact etiology is unknown, extreme over praise OR severe criticism as a child have often been implicated. Depression often accompanies this personality temperament.

The Narcissist simply is so self absorbed that they are unable to anticipate the hurt feelings of a partner. They have great difficulty putting themselves “inside” the heart and mind of the other. Empathy is non existent, or can be faked in order to gain the admiration of the partner or the partner’s family. Without intense and prolonged therapy narcissists do not develop the kind of insight that allows them to overcome their basic insecurity which they then cover up in an attempt to protect their fragile selves.

If any of these descriptions fit the one you love,insist that they seek out professional help!”

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I HATE LAZY THERAPISTS! Mental Health Monday

Posted in Mental Health Monday, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , on June 2, 2014| 1 Comment »

Now here’s some thoughts and words you probably never expected to hear a therapist talk about.  Dr. Barry Lubetkin sounds off on his profession!

 

 

 

Personality and Psychotherapy - John Dollard a...

Personality and Psychotherapy – John Dollard and Neal E. Miller (Photo credit: Gwendal_)

 

” The experience of psychotherapy and mental health counseling is such a potentially life changing period in so many peoples lives that it should require the practitioner to proceed with the highest degree of professionalism , intelligence and creativity. And yet several times each month new patients to my practice complain about past therapists who they feel let them down in one significant way or another. Therapists are imperfect human beings of course,but some of these “errors” seem way beyond the pale.

 

The therapist who insists that you MUST continue with sessions even though you are quite certain you need to take a break.
The therapist who charges you for missed sessions when you are on vacation.
The therapist who never discusses explicitly the goals of therapy.
The therapist who often seems distracted,sleepy or disinterested during your session.
The therapist who gossips about other patients or about the celebrities they have treated.
The therapist who is so stuck on one theoretical orientation,that they won’t study the literature about other approaches which might help you.
The therapist who NEVER gives advice and ALWAYS asks “what do you think”
The therapist who gets defensive when you say you want a second opinion from another therapist.
The therapist who belittles you.

 

The list could be much longer! You have the right as a patient to question your therapists behavior and skills. DONT accept laziness,indifference,or NON constructive criticism. There are many many wonderful,compassionate and skilled therapists out there. Find one and celebrate your own growth!”
You can reach Dr. Lubetkin to obtain more information or to ask a question at: The Institute For Behavior Therapy at IBT104@AOL.com 

 

 

 

 

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INTERNET ADDICTION….It Is Real – It Is Dangerous!!

Posted in Mental Health Monday, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2014| 2 Comments »

Internet

   I LOVE MY INTERNET

Whoa! Dr. Barry Lubetkin is touching on a very hot topic this week.  One that I dare say touches many of us and/or members of our families!  Just think about the hours spent on mindless game playing, endless emails (as opposed to face to face or person to person phone calls) as a form of communication and add in the timeless fascination with the Internet as the go to resource for information and fact on any and every subject in the world.  

” Mental Health professionals are disturbed by the growing dependence on the intense pleasure and distraction capability that chronic cruising the internet is providing millions;  Teenagers who search endlessly for games or social media contacts. Stay at home moms who seek out shopping bargains and then return everything because the initial impulse to buy was fueled by boredom.  Men, both lonely and married, and often both, who spend countless hours denying and escaping their daily reality of stress by immersing into the world of pornography.

The definition of internet addiction is largely understood in terms of how the time spent on the screen and keyboard interferes with normal and role-expected behavior.  Are work or social obligations being ignored? Is there an actual shift in conscious awareness occurring (eg.attention and focus on the moment disappears)?  Do endless hours pass without realization?
Do other potentially problematic habits regularly accompany internet activity such as drinking, overeating, overspending, chronic masturbation? Are normal family conversations stunted or non -existent?

We know that actual brain wave changes occur for many folks when they go on the internet, as well as neurotransmitter changes which regulate mood. For these reasons, it is likely that over dependence on the internet will become progressive and more and more difficult to give up.

Self diagnose your addiction. Be brutally honest with yourself. Attempt to identify what needs in your life are not being met by normal means. What are you really escaping from? Are there alternative ways you can reduce your stress or loneliness. Even serious bloggers like many of us are not immune if our need for recognition or approval from others is interfering with enjoying our lives in other ways. Get more information from me at info@ifbt.net”.

Internet

Internet (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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PSYCHOTHERAPY! What The Hell Are You Waiting For??

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2014| 1 Comment »

This week’s Mental Health tip needs no introduction from me – the title says it all!

” The National Institute for Mental Health estimates that many many millions of Americans should be receiving mental health services for their problems. Add to that the vast number of individuals who might benefit from Psychotherapy and Counseling as a prevention for future problems, and those who simply want to share their secret fears, dreams, and joys with another human being who can be objective and non judgment in his listening and feedback.

The stigma is gone!!!! Many folks talk openly about their counseling. Hundreds of self help groups and organizations abound. Getting Psychological help is now seen as a sign of strength and maturity. Several of my single patients require their new partners to get psychological checkups as often as requiring HIV testing! If you are brutally honest with yourself you know that there is some fundamental issue in your life that you have not been able to resolve. Perhaps an unresolved family conflict, a lifetime phobia, or an elusive feeling of happiness that always feels out of reach.

Many insurance policies cover Psychotherapy with a professional therapist. There is no excuse for not at least seeking out a couple of sessions. Think for a moment…….what are you afraid of? Often the fear is that you will reveal more of yourself TO YOURSELF than you think you can handle!  Get out of denial and take a real healthy risk for yourself.”

Tell me how it goes at shpilkes@aol.com

Thanks as always to Dr. Barry Lubetkin, who generously shares a weekly Mental Health topic with us.

Logo of the National Institute of Mental Health.

Logo of the National Institute of Mental Health. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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WRITER’S BLOCK -An Old Term, A Contemporary Problem

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2014| 2 Comments »

MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY

This week’s topic, Writer’s Block, couldn’t be more timely for me personally.  For the past several months I’ve been struggling with my blog.  I do like to write and I have a fairly good regimen (okay sometimes not so regular) and perhaps if I apply the principles outlined in Dr. Barry Lubetkin‘s mental health tip this week, I’ll find that it isn’t so important as to how many people read this every day and remember that I write because I like to and a little discipline  would be a good thing!

“We are all writers……students……bloggers……executives…….moms………novelists….. We can usually write the simple stuff without procrastinating or being perfectionistic;  Birthday cards, shopping lists,brief memos,etc etc, all get done with relative ease. BUT when it comes to the words that convey the really important stuff about ourselves and our theories and ideas, we often get stuck.

#ds139 "Writer's Block"

#ds139 “Writer’s Block” (Photo credit: Sharon Drummond)

I have treated dozens of writers who struggle every day to overcome their writing paralysis. Usually, but not always, the culprit is obsessive perfectionism. “Will anyone really like this”, “I am out of ideas”, “This seems really dumb”, “I will get to it tomorrow”, “I have to make this perfect”.

Here is a quick solution to this form of writers block;  First, set a sacred unchangeable time EVERY DAY to write.  An hour, twenty minutes, it doesn’t matter. Go to a comfortable private place, set a timer, and start writing. Even if all you produce is gibberish and nonsense words, you must still WRITE! Do nothing else during this period. Once you have established a regular routine of writing at the same time every day, then you may extend the writing period as needed. At the end of your sacred writing time, reward yourself with something meaningful…a special treat…call a friend…tune on a mindless TV show…write yourself a complimentary note. You deserve it!”

As always feel free to email me at IBT104@AOL.com

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Borderline Personality Disorder – Mental Health Monday

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , on April 28, 2014| 5 Comments »

May is Borderline Personality Disorder month! Who knew?  Well Dr. Barry Lubetkin certainly knew and this week he shares some insight into this very common but difficult diagnosis and treatment.

” Borderline Personality Disorder………The toughest diagnosis

Did you know that by an action of Congress, May is Borderline Personality Disorder month!!  BPD is a most challenging mental disorder; It is characterized by many of the following symptoms:
1.Emotional instability and impulsivity.
2.Poor interpersonal relationships and poor self image
3.Intense fears of abandonment.
4.Manipulative behavior to obtain nurturance
5.Drug and alcohol abuse
6.Increased probability of suicidal gestures or attempts.

Individuals with BPD (three times as many are woman then men), are often the toughest challenges to therapists, and often resist potentially effective treatment. While medication and directive Cognitive Behavior Therapy may help reduce paralyzing symptoms, progress is often slow and inconsistent.  Research now indicates that the most promising approach is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).  It consists of intensive group and individual therapy focusing on helping patients control emotional upheavals by learning how to soothe themselves, practicing developing new interpersonal skills, resisting the impulse to condemn themselves, challenging irrational assumptions about how others view them, and a whole lot more.  In New York City, The Psychiatry Department at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital offers this treatment.

The best books out on the subject are…..”Stop Walking on Eggshells“, “I Hate You,Don’t Leave Me” and any excellent text by Dr. Marsha Linehan,the discoverer of DBT.  Contact me at the Institute For Behavior Therapy at IBT104@AOL.com for more info.”

Cover of "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taki...

Cover via Amazon

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” I DON’T WANT TO DIE” – Overcoming Anxiety About Death

Posted in Mental Health Monday, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2014| 2 Comments »

Death Calls Us All

Death Calls Us All

Mental Health Monday continues our weekly series today with an eye-opening, hard-hitting look at the deep-seated fear and anxiety we all have about dying and death.  Dr. Barry Lubetkin, interestingly chose this topic today, the very day after the Christians of the world celebrated the Resurrection of Jesus Christ – this is just my personal observation.

“A 76 year old gentleman consulted me recently concerning his lifelong Type-A behavior at work and at home.  He never rested, he told me. He was always ON, working, strategizing, planning. He hadn’t vacationed in years and refused to ever consider retirement.  He had denied his family countless hours of quality time with him, while he went about driving himself,  never stopping to smell the roses.  After several hours of therapy it became clear that one of the motivators behind his inability to relax and stay in the moment was a profound fear of dying. By never quieting himself, he was able to continuously distract himself from anticipating his own demise.

This case is not the exception.  As Baby Boomers begin to experience the physical and mental effects of their aging, they are forced to consider the inevitability of their own mortality. While many are able to accept with grace that dying is a natural part of living, many others secretly live their lives with terror about dying, and develop mental and physical behaviors designed to DENY its reality. Obsessive compulsive behavior, cruel and sadistic personality styles, certain phobias, depression, severe anxiety, and even ironically, suicidal thoughts are often partially driven by unexpressed anxiety about dying.

Since we all are going to die eventually, we had better become as proactive as possible in de-horrorfying and de-catastrophizing our thoughts about our eventual demise. A sensitive and experienced cognitive behavior therapist can be helpful. Also I strongly recommend the best book on the subject of overcoming terror about dying….”Staring at The Sun” by Psychiatrist Sydney Yalom.  It should be required reading for all of us.  It is that good!”  As always feel free to email me at IBT104@AOL.com

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THE POWER OF POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT – Mental Health Monday

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , on April 14, 2014| 1 Comment »

(A swedish diagram showing the effect on a fre...

(A swedish diagram showing the effect on a frequency of a behavior when under positive reinforcement) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU CATCH A SPOUSE OR CHILD DOING SOMETHING GOOD?  Seems like it should be a simple answer but ….not always!  Read what Dr. Barry Lubetkin has to offer in the way of good communication and parenting skills:

“The research is unambiguous and definitive…….Positive reinforcement is far superior to negative reinforcement (punishment), when the goal is to influence and strengthen another’s behavior. And yet despite this fact,we human beings continue to yell,humiliate,undercut and generally disparage others when they engage in a behavior or habit that we find undesirable or annoying.

Witness the mother who continues to yell at the child who curses out loud. The child continues to curse and is often reacting to the mothers attention even though it is negative. Witness the wife who continuously shames her husband each time he leaves his dirty clothing out without bringing it to the laundry. More often then not her negative reaction does not diminish the sloppy behavior at all, but simply leads to anger and passive aggressive behavior.

But what would the results be if that same mother chose to hug and praise the child when 10 minutes elapse without cursing……..and do it again 10 more minutes later! And what if the wife thanked the husband immediately after he picked up his socks and repeated that praise whenever he attempted (even if not completely successful) behaving in a less slovenly manner. If positive reinforcement is given immediately and consistently after a desired behavior is demonstrated, it will strengthen the probability of that behavior occurring again.

“Catching a child being good” has been a mainstay of child behavior therapy for many years,so it is surprising how few parents practice it. Here’s an assignment…..choose one behavior or bad habit that your child or partner continues to do and wait 10 minutes for it not to occur and then immediately thank and praise them for not doing it. Repeat every 10 to 30 minutes or when appropriate, and watch that bad habit begin to diminish! ”  Email me at IBT104@aol.com with your results!

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