Posts Tagged ‘Denominations’

Figures of Speech

Figures of Speech (Photo credit: Enokson)

If you can pronounce it then you probably don’t need to read further, however, if you want to smile out loud at these figures of speech that twist the meaning of the sentence as a whole. Comedians and satirists use paraprosdokians all the time!  Here are Thursday’s Top Ten plus Two:

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet. 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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