Posts Tagged ‘Clinical Psychology’

This week, Dr. Barry Lubetkin gives us some insight on our need to please!

Do you have the “Disease to Please”????

Approval cravers are terrified that if they garner disapproval from certain friends and family, these people will disappear. Many of my patients have told me that they genuinely fear that if they anger a significant person in their life, that person would drop away forever. The mental distortion operating here is that all of the wonderful years of friendship and warm shared experiences will be negated by a single incident of disagreement.

Margaret Adam

Margaret Adam (Photo credit: Joi)

While that may occasionally occur,most good friends are able to overlook single incidents and talk things over.

In a 1971 article Margaret Adams wrote about the “compassion trap “where females in particular believe that their very existence is defined by service and compassion for others. Overcome this self defeating philosophy whenever you are annoyed or upset with another’s behavior by the following steps:

1. Express your upset directly without candy coating it.

2. Clarify your expectations of the other person and the goals you desire

3. Challenge your internal irrational fears of retribution

4. Prepare for resistance or refusal from the person to go along with your desire or goals by having in your mind an alternative or compromise plan .

Barry Lubetkin is co-director of the Institute for Behavior Therapy in Manhattan.  If you have a question or concern that you would like his opinion on, please leave a comment here.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Read Full Post »

worried square

worried square (Photo credit: cathredfern) 

 A long time ago I read that two very useless emotions were worry and guilt; Prevalent among us all and hard habits to break!  The following words of advice are from Dr. Barry Lubetkin, Phd, ABBP.

” More about worry!
Remember ,worrying is a mental habit…….some thing that is repeated involuntarily without our being aware that it has started. So it will take frequent practice of actions that are incompatible with worrying to reduce the habit of worrying. Psychologists at Pennsylvania State University have developed a series of anti worrying steps.:

1. Write down the specific thoughts that you have when you worry..

2.Analyze each thought……is there evidence for it? What is its real probability of occurring? Have you handled such situations in the past without dire consequences.? A year after the event will it really make a major difference in your life.? Couldn’t you survive and move on even if the worst happens?
Write down your answers.

3.Use these new more adaptive thoughts whenever you notice a worrisome thought throughout the day. Remind yourself that they are more valid based on your logical evidence based analysis. With repeated practice they will begin to feel more true.

4.Designate a 15 minute period each day as your “worry time”. And only focus on your worries during this period. This will allow you to postpone worrisome thinking from other times,and do creative problem solving and rational thinking.

Dr Barry Lubetkin is the Director and founder of The Institute For Behavior Therapy in New York City. He is Board certified in both Clinical Psychology and Behavioral Psychology. He is the author of numerous academic and popular articles as well as two popular self-help books: “Bailing Out”and “Why Do I Need You to Love Me in Order to Like Myself”. He also has recorded the popular insomnia treatment CD set “Dr. Barry’s Sound Asleep.” The Institute for Behavior Therapy is the oldest privats.e Cognitive Behavior Therapy center in the United States founded in 1971. s have received treatment at the Institute.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Read Full Post »