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Posts Tagged ‘Manhattan’

Of late, I’ve been blue or maybe gray is a better color description;  Not because I went to see Fifty Shades of Gray, but rather because there are so many things going on in my life.  Work has been troublesome and the immediate future in that arena doesn’t look very promising.  I seem to be in a time and place where if it can go wrong, it does AND it always costs $$$.

Then there’s the fact that it’s February and it’s been so cold here for so long that I can’t imagine we are actually going to have Spring next month.  The gray days of January and February are bad enough but when you live in The City, it can be downright depressing.  Imagine walking to walk when the wind is blowing and the temperature is in single digits.  Then imagine how it is to walk on sidewalks slick with frozen slush or cross streets where each corner is either a black pool or frozen lumps worn slippery by the hundreds of people walking on them.  OK, OK, enough already right?  NO! When the sun comes out and it does, the slick stuff melts and is black slush, something you would never ever walk in and the edges of the sidewalks are lined with piles of snow in Fifty Shades of Gray and Black and are embedded with trash.  This is NOT a criticism of the Sanitation Workers, because for 3 weeks alternate side parking rules have been suspended which means the streets have not been cleaned!

So now that I’ve painted the ugliest picture of NYC and haven’t begun to complain about the forced hot air heat that every apartment has, I will.   I hate the dry hot air which makes my hair fly around with electricity and my face crack, not to mention getting a bloody nose as all my nasal passages dry out.  Yuk that’s awful!! SORRY!

BUT THEN, there’s this…We left the apartment about 5:00 this evening and took the bus up to Fifth Avenue and walked over the Metropolitan Museum.  This IS a world treasure, there’s no doubt about it.  I take it way too much for granted and don’t visit the museum often enough.  We had in mind a few exhibits we wanted to see but of course walking through the museum on your way to one hall or another you are surrounded by art, sculpture, etchings, and artifacts from around the world!  Literally if you have never been to the MET, then you really can’t imagine  how big it is, how chock full of treasures it is and how accessible it is!  We marveled at Byzantine carvings, admired paintings by Jackson Pollack, Seurat, Pissaro, Van Gogh and more AND we hadn’t even gotten to the exhibits. 

We saw drawings and sketches by Paul Cezanne and the complete set of his portraits of Madame Cezanne.  Hortense Fiquet, (Madame Cezanne) was Cezanne’s favorite model, who he eventually married to legitimize his bastard son.  She posed for 29 portraits, never moving an inch and not talking since Paul Cezanne preferred his models to be silent.  This is the first time that the set of paintings known as Madame Cezanne in a Red Chair have ever been exhibited all together and in fact, they have never been together since they left Cezanne’s studio.  Then we were off to see the Caravaggio’s or at least that’s what we thought.  The exhibit was not exactly paintings done by him, it was more about the origin and evolution of musical instruments popular in the time of Caravaggio. However, we did get to view priceless Tintoretto’s and other Italian Renaissance painters.  The paintings were very religious and very beautiful.

We saved the best for last and headed to the American Wing where the fabulous mural, America Today painted by Thomas Hart Benton was displayed.  It’s a breath-taking,  wall-to-wall panorama of life in America in the 1920’s. The palette is rich in primary colors as befitting the strength of the muscled boxers, workers and the whole work itself.  Below is just one of the ten panels that make up this epic work.

AMERICA TODAY

AMERICA TODAY

But before we went into the room that housed these magnificent panels, we spent considerable time viewing his preliminary sketches, his models which were drawings and even small paintings of future sections of the mural-to-be.  There were practice sketches of hands in different poses, of complicated parts of machinery cobbled together and of many characters who would appear in the mural.  This is where I saw beautiful, sexy women just oozing femininity and each with the sparkle of life in the 20’s in their eyes.  They reminded me of my friend, the gorgeous Grace Gotham.  She exudes sensuality when she performs and was surely born in this era before her more recent incarnation.  Her burlesque performances are stellar with her as the shining star;  lithe, graceful and luscious, Grace could have been one of Benton’s models!  But don’t take my word for it, you can see for yourself at http://www.gracegotham.com.   Meet Grace!

Grace Gotham

Grace Gotham

 

 

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SATURDAY

A week ago today, I woke up and could hardly walk!  Somehow, some way, my lower back seemed to have disconnected from the rest of my torso.  Well that’s what it felt like.  I couldn’t stand up straight and even I popped two Tylenol, an hour later, still in pain.  I spent all of last Saturday in my apartment hobbling around and moaning now and then. By evening I took the one and only Alleve in the house.  We have two vintage deco lamps on our piano, one of the bulbs burnt out.

SUNDAY

After a very fitful night of sleep, I woke up and still in severe discomfort.  A long hot shower with the water pouring on my back only felt good while I was in the shower.  Given that we were in the apartment where the hot water supply is seemingly endless, I considered staying there forever.  However, the thought of more wrinkly skin and vanity being what it is, I decided I better get out and try to move around.  Believe it or not, there were still some reindeer that had to be put out.  Reindeer, you say?  Yes reindeer, my ecumenical concession to my Jewish husband when it comes to Christmas decorations.  Of course there’s a wreath and even two metal sculpture trees which light up from within with a candle.  And there are Christmas cards, usually NOT holiday cards, and two vintage stockings hung from the fireplace as well as a few Christmas village houses nestled among the plants on the living room window sill.  The warrior in me soldiers on.  By early evening I take one the two Tylenol with Codeine we have in the house.  One of the light bulbs in a foyer lamp has burnt out.

MONDAY

Thinking I had a Monday morning meeting, I scramble around as best I can, still my lower back not working in conjunction with any other body part.  I’m walking half bent over and on a tilt.  I know I can’t walk to work so I take a taxi.  WHAT? NO MEETING??!!! Well sitting at my desk is no more uncomfortable than sitting at home and besides at the office I have a whole bunch of sympathizers around me.  Actually sitting or lying down on my back with my legs curled up to my chest IS the only comfortable position.  Today Peter and I are going to the afternoon SAG movie, Mr. Turner.  I leave my office at 2:00pm to catch the 2nd Ave bus and will transfer at 57th St to a crosstown bus which will take me to West 57th St at 6th Ave.  The traffic on 2nd Avenue is a f_ _ _ _g nightmare.  The bus does not move.  It takes the bus more than 30 minutes to get to 55th St from 79th St.  YES I could have walked there quicker but I can’t really walk.  At 2:45, sirens are screaming as everything comes to a halt and let’s an ambulance through.  If you’ve never been to Midtown during the Christmas season, you really can’t imagine what is going on…it’s absolute gridlock everywhere;  Pedestrians crossing at all points, more cars on the street than ever, the windows of Bergdorf and Tiffany beckoning crowds and the tree at Rockefeller Center causing more jam -ups. 

Far INTO the Maddening Crowd

Far INTO the Maddening Crowd

At 2:55 I’m at 57th St and between Madison and Fifth and we have stopped again (not that we ever really roll along) and now two firetrucks are approaching from the west and all vehicles move over.  There’s is some stupid little black car that is playing chicken with the bus and wants to get in front of us!  I’ve got to get to 6th Ave and be in the theater before 3pm because then they lock the doors! I telephone Peter and tell him I probably won’t make it and will go home. By 2:58 we still haven’t crossed 6th Avenue to the bus stop.  When we do I practically leap off the bus and make my way across the street and up to the theater. It IS after 3pm and even though I’m bent over a bit I look up and see a woman going in and then another.  I try to walk faster and when I get to the doors I can’t believe they’re still unlocked.  At that moment, Peter comes into the lobby to see if I’ve made it.  The nice lady at the entry desk greets me with “Thank goodness, you made it”.  When I tell her I’ve been on a bus for an hour, she suggests I should have walked!

When the movie is over and it is over 2 hours long, we go out to find a) it’s raining b) I will never make it home in time to hostess my Mah Jongg group at 6:30 and c) I cannot take the subway which would be quicker because I can’t negotiate the stairs! and d) the bus doesn’t appear to be an option because as far as the eye can see, it’s traffic, traffic, traffic and I can’t imagine getting on a bus again.  I call one of the players and ask her to call the others and delay the game by a half hour.  Peter is annoyed because I’m in a rush, can’t walk and we are in frigging Midtown in the middle of the the Christmas holiday which looks a little like Times Square on New Year’s Eve.  I start to walk east in the rain, bent over while he is kvetching about no rain coat and no hat.  He also has predicted that I will NEVER  get a cab because by now, I have walked (read hobbled) as far as Fifth Ave. and gone south to 56th St hoping to avoid the madness of 57th St.  OMG there is a cab two cars away – I am waving my arm like a lunatic and rushing thru moving traffic to grab that cab.  Thank you Lord and the TLC.  Just before my guests arrive, I take the last Tylenol with Codeine.

TUESDAY

I have to meet an appraiser in the morning and then I’m off to the office.  Actually standing up a bit taller and feeling pretty good.  Tuesday is also a SAG movie night but this time I have to be there by 6pm.  Janice, my friend from the office is also invited to tonight’s screening so we’re going to go together.  I tell her there’s no way we can go the bus route, we have to take the subway system.  Janice is not all that familiar with the subway connections so I say, “Just follow me”.  First we wait and wait in the rain (yes raining again) for a bus.  But since NYC is always doing something that requires scaffolding we are at least standing under the shed (bottom floor of scaffolding) while we wait and wait.  The though of trying to walk mostly at an incline to Lexington Ave to get on the subway seems like a really painful option so I say let’s wait another minute or two for the bus to come.  Well waiting for a bus to come in NYC in the rain is like waiting for a tea kettle to boil.  At this point Janice wonders if her Metro card has any money on it.   The bus comes and as I walk down the aisle I hear that dreaded sound of a bleep rather than a ding signifying the passenger’s Metro card has insufficient funds.  Luckily the driver says she owes 55 cents and lets her drop the change into the slot.  Janice has got to add money to her card when we get to the subway station.  We have to walk two blocks from the bus to the subway and halfway there Janice calls for a halt.  Well once we are at the subway station, of course we miss the train that is there because JB has no money on her card!!! Oy!  Another train comes along fairly quickly and I lead her through the rush hour hordes of people to the another subway line on 59th St.  Soon we are on an R train headed for 7th Ave and 57th St.  We arrive at the theater with time to spare – traveling underground is really the only way to go at this time of year.  When we got home, a bulb in one of the den lamps burnt out.

WEDNESDAY

The back pain is not only still there, it is bad.  Our office is donating toys to Cassidy’s Place and I go out at lunch time to find a suitable gift – this is the last day to donate.  We are having a meeting at 3pm and a holiday toast at 4pm.  It’s a very busy day.  By 3:00 my back is aching so I got two aspirin from the front desk and washed them down with champagne! By the time the meeting was over and the party underway, I felt ok.  But not for long.  I had to meet my friend, Barbara for a holiday dinner à deux and walking the few blocks to the restaurant was just agonizing.  Dinner was wonderful, the food was great, the company delightful.  Unfortunately I had to walk home and even though it was only a few blocks I  just inched along in the rain- Yes raining again!

THURSDAY

Before I left for the day I opened the freezer and OMG the stuff in there was slightly defrosted and I thought maybe the door had been ajar all night.  The night before I had a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream and maybe I didn’t close the door completely!  Surely the diet gods are behind this!  I’m meeting Janice at a property a few blocks away so I walk there and by the time I arrive I know that I can’t go along on these showings because there will be a lot of walking along the way.  I go back to the office and sit.  Once home, I put this massaging machine behind me and just let the pressure and circular movements massage the base of my back.  Peter is about to make a drink and head to the freezer to get some ice cubes only to discover that THERE IS NOTHING FROZEN IN THE FREEZER!! The ice cubes are water, the broccoli is mush, the frozen fruit is soggy and soft and all of the herbs have turned into green slime.  Just f_ _ _ _g great!  It’s 8:00 at night and I don’t know whether we need to call our landlord who of course will not be in his office or try the Super.  Peter heads downstairs and as luck would have it, our Superintendent is in his office.  Technically, he is supposed to do work in our apt only at the behest of our landlord since we are not the shareholders – it gets complicated in New York.  Anyway, once he heard of the dilemma he instructed a porter to switch out our refrigerator for one that was in a vacant apt.  First all of the food had to be removed and a lot of the stuff thrown out.  The refrigerator was actually pretty cold because it hadn’t been opened all day.  After a lot of measuring and moving of furniture in both the living room and the dining room (because that’s the only way this new refrigerator was going to get into the kitchen), the door were removed, the old one moved away from the wall giving us full view of years of dust and stuff.  The new refrigerator is bigger than the old one and it’s BLACK!   By 9:30 I’m microwaving some Chinese noodle soup that had defrosted.

OMG It's Black!

OMG It’s Black!

FRIDAY

We finally got ourselves out the door and headed to Ocean Grove for the weekend.  We hadn’t been to the cottage in two weeks so when we arrived it was about 50 degrees!  I pushed up the thermostat  and began to unload our stuff.  Once done, we headed off to do grocery shopping just as the house was warming up.  The cats curled up in their beds which are next to a radiator. 

Actually Nora Decided To Sleep With Nicky

Actually Nora Decided To Sleep With Nicky

We got home at about 6pm and wow the house felt cold.  After unloading bags and bags of groceries which required the door being open, I checked the thermostat and pushed it up higher to get the heat to kick on.  Five minutes, ten minutes – NO HEAT.  There’s a whole lot of cursing going on….  Peter goes to the basement which is actually only a Yankee basement, not much bigger than a Manhattan kitchen and to reach it you have to climb down a ladder, not stairs and of course move about 10 things that are stashed in the back area which I refer to as the Hoosier room.  He finds a reset button and nothing happens.  We wait.  He pushes the button again and after a few minutes, the furnace kicks on.  Pretty soon the radiators are hot.  And then 15 minutes later, the furnace stops.  By 8:30 we are freezing and again tempers are flaring, it is really, really cold in the house and someone (not me) thinks going back to NYC is the answer. NO WAY! I’m not leaving the house with no possible heat so the pipes can freeze and burst – you know who grew up in an apartment building!  We call the emergency number and are told we will get a return call. NO CALL.  At 10:00 we call again and about 11:00 we get a call.  The nice man on the phone who had been sleeping was willing to come out BUT I suggested he try to walk Peter through some possible solutions.  After 45 minutes on the phone, the furnace kicked on.  And 15 minutes later it stopped.  The only possible choice we have at this point is to go to bed with a lot of covers and hopefully a cat too.  Before I went upstairs I really wanted to finish watching the finale of Grace Point which was On Demand.  I had a heat shirt on under my pajama top, a corduroy shirt over that, a scarf around my neck and gloves on and socks and slippers.  I can’t fall asleep if my nose is cold and every time I sort of covered it, I felt like I wasn’t getting enough air. Not a good night. 

SATURDAY

About 4:00 am I got up to use the bathroom and the radiators were hot. Oh joy!  At 8:30 we woke up and the house was cold as were the radiators. OH NOT JOY.  Peter calls the emergency number at 9:30 and is assured Gary will call us.  At 11:00 am he calls again.  No call back.  Well by now I’m in the middle of making Beef Minestrone in the crock pot and roasting some cauliflower in the oven and oh boy that 450 degree oven helped to keep the kitchen warm.  I made us hot oatmeal for breakfast.  By 2:00pm we still had no call back and I called the emergency number and I was not as nice as Peter was about being trapped in a house that is registering 52 degrees waiting for a phone call.  I told the not-pleasant- customer-service lady we had to get of this freezing place and gave them a cell phone number.  Within 20 minutes we get a call from Gary who says he has tried to call us but our voice mailbox is full. WTF? There are no messages on our phone.  He arrives shortly and is very personable and knowledgeable and after some looks here and there, he finds the problem.  The furnace is over full of water causing some pressure problem but how did it get that way?  30 minutes later he discovers that the pig tail needs to be cleaned out.  Don’t ask!  As I write this last line, he is packing up his gear.  The radiators are not hot yet but God and Gary willing they will be! 

The day isn’t over yet so I’m not sure what else can go wrong today, you never know.  I might have to call my sister-in-law, Juanita to see if Mercury is in retrograde because believe it or not, the kitchen light in the cottage wouldn’t go on but that turned out to only be a loose bulb and the battery on Peter’s computer died about an hour ago.  Stay tuned….   

Sign of the Times

Sign of the Times

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Every year I make some time to stroll along Fifth Avenue and Madison Avenue and gaze (read gawk) and admire the beautiful holiday window displays in The City’s famous department stores.  This is a real annual Christmas tradition in the Big Apple.  Velvet ropes guide the long lines past the amazing, creative dioramas and mechanical scenes.  The competition for the BEST display windows is always intense, but during Christmas time, it’s fierce.  The themes are varied;  Some stores like Macy’s and Lord & Taylor  often gear their windows to appeal to children.  Bloomingdales and Saks seem to blend child-like appeal with current events and yet add enough sophistication to charm adults.  When you get to Bergdorf Goodman’s, be prepared to be dazzled!  The tall windows of Bergdorf’s are usually spectacular, over the top and definitely designed for their clientele.  That goes for Tiffany’s also – this year their windows are literally dazzling – think diamonds!

While many of my readers live in the Tri-State area and many make the seasonal trek to the big City to shop, look at The Tree and ice skaters in Rockefeller Center and take in the Christmas Show at Radio City Music Hall, and check out the windows, many of you cannot.   So if you can’t come to the Windows, the windows will come to you.   Check out this short video featuring just a few of the  splendorific holiday displays.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/11/21/new-york-city-holiday-windows/19356105/

Saks Fifth Avenue is bringing fairy tale princesses to life with the likes of Cinderella and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel Let Down Your Hair

Rapunzel Let Down Your Hair

Lord & Taylor is featuring  an enchanted mansion replete with fairies and butterflies.

Enchanted Christmas

Enchanted Christmas

Bloomingdales  wasn’t in that video, so here’s a peek at their artful design. If you log onto their mobile site, using your smartphone you can play interactive games with the window display and win prizes!

Bloomingdales - You Can Play Too!

Bloomingdales – You Can Play Too!

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My friend, Murray, was wandering around the Upper East Side the other day and happened to walk by a couple of Brownstones that were decked out for Halloween.  Take a look at ghostly ghoulies!

Driving Miss Daisy Mad

Driving Miss Daisy Mad

A Bad Case of the Blues

A Bad Case of the Blues

Pretty Scary Lady

Pretty Scary Lady

Aren't They Cute?

Aren’t They Cute?

 

The Family Ghouls

The Family Ghouls

Dracula Swooping In For The Bite!

Dracula Swooping In For The Bite!

 

All photos courtesy of Murray Head

 

The Red Dead

The Red Dead

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The New Black

The New Black

Black is the season-less color in Manhattan.

What to wear? Why black of course. Pastels in the Spring? No way! Black pencil skirts with crisp tailored shirts and black blazers. Black Tori Burch flats and you’re good to go until July.

Summer nights and strappy black sundresses are de riguer eveningwear. Rooftop bars look like giant moving inkblots from a distance. Here and there glints of silver and gold bounce off the setting sun.

Black jeans, black sweaters, black boots and black Northface parkas – I must be in a subway in February.

Black is the new black for every season!

BLACK is the word in this week’s 100 Word Challenge through Velvet Verbosity.  You can read more at http://www.velvetverbosity.com/

This is a blog hop.

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I LOVE Art Deco decor – my living room in Manhattan has many Art Deco accent pieces. Preservation is always a HOT topic in any city with no vacant land-Developers look to old buildings in disrepair especially those in prime areas like most movie theaters are located.  Messynessychic is a website chock full of nostalgia, history, the unusual, the weird, hidden places and much much more.  I urge you to check it out http://www.messynessychic.com.  The photos below were absconded from that website, I hope you enjoy looking at the architectural grandeur of the past that has been preserved and/or restored.

The Paramount in Oakland California

Just Gorgeous

The Lobby

And take a look at the Ladies Room!

No Lines Here

No Lines Here

I don’t know what this little waiting room for ???

Whatever It Is - It's Lovely

Whatever It Is – It’s Lovely

This pastel beauty is the Orinda Theater in Orinda, California.

Looks Like A Painting

Looks Like A Painting

This is one of the smaller screening room in the Orinda Theater.

Sweet!

Sweet!

On Tuesday nights you can see a movie for $5.00 – The Grand Lake Theater in Oakland, California.

I'm There

I’m There

 

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Available through Amazon

Available through Amazon

Where are the lines drawn between the disease-stricken hoarders, the messy clutterers and the over-enthusiastic collectors? Dr. Barry Lubetkin, Phd, ABBP offers us insight on the distinction between a diagnosed disorder and a hobby or personality characteristic.

Hoarders and Clutterers and Collectors Oh My!!!

The Psychiatric problem of hoarding had been under diagnosed for many years .But recently with increased media attention(see several New York Times articles in the past four months),the

wildly popular reality TV show “Hoarders” and recent major advances in the diagnosis and treatment of this mental affliction, many more people are getting professional help.
It is important to point out that while many of us may have lived with and accepted clutter in our homes for our entire lives, being diagnosed as a hoarder requires that the clutter must seriously interfere with the quality of our lives and risk our safety. Navigating through dangerous paths in our home with furniture and garbage piled on either side, shame of exposure leading to living lonely isolated lives, or irrational superstitious beliefs that cleaning up or throwing out certain articles will lead to terrible consequences………these all will confirm the diagnosis.

The etiology of hoarding is multi determined…….a previous diagnosis of obsessive compulsive disorder, prolonged depression, unkempt,and chaotic childhood homes, have all been implicated. Even the well intentioned collector who has enjoyed his passion for saving and displaying his collections is sometimes at risk if other psychiatric disorders emerge and create a vulnerability to depression and indifference to caring for themselves or their living conditions.

Treatment involves a variety of interventions :Anti depressant medication,engaging family support during the clearing process, Cognitive Behavior Therapy to reduce anxiety and panic and designed to educate the hoarder on the irrational and superstitious thinking elements of the disorder,and guided practice in controlling their environment post treatment.

With less serious clutter collectors who feel their mess has gotten difficult for them to control, I suggest starting with small portions of the affected areas (one corner of the bedroom,piles of books and papers on the floor,etc), and slowly progress over time to prioritize what to throw out. Dividing your “stuff” into A ,B and C groups………must keep, maybe keep, must dispose, is often very helpful. Feel free to contact me at ibt104@aol.com for further advice.

 Barry Lubetkin, Phd, ABBP is co-director of the Institute for Behavior Therapy in Manhattan.  Dr. Lubetkin has written two widely acclaimed books. Bailing Out (Simon and Schuster and Prentice Hall Press) and Why Do I Need You To Love Me In Order To Like Myself (Longmeadow and Borders Press). In addition, his 3-disc audio series on treating insomnia Dr. Barry’s Sound Asleep has recently been published. 

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This week, Dr. Barry Lubetkin gives us some insight on our need to please!

Do you have the “Disease to Please”????

Approval cravers are terrified that if they garner disapproval from certain friends and family, these people will disappear. Many of my patients have told me that they genuinely fear that if they anger a significant person in their life, that person would drop away forever. The mental distortion operating here is that all of the wonderful years of friendship and warm shared experiences will be negated by a single incident of disagreement.

Margaret Adam

Margaret Adam (Photo credit: Joi)

While that may occasionally occur,most good friends are able to overlook single incidents and talk things over.

In a 1971 article Margaret Adams wrote about the “compassion trap “where females in particular believe that their very existence is defined by service and compassion for others. Overcome this self defeating philosophy whenever you are annoyed or upset with another’s behavior by the following steps:

1. Express your upset directly without candy coating it.

2. Clarify your expectations of the other person and the goals you desire

3. Challenge your internal irrational fears of retribution

4. Prepare for resistance or refusal from the person to go along with your desire or goals by having in your mind an alternative or compromise plan .

Barry Lubetkin is co-director of the Institute for Behavior Therapy in Manhattan.  If you have a question or concern that you would like his opinion on, please leave a comment here.

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Marriage Equality

Marriage Equality (Photo credit: charlesfettinger)

Dr. Barry Lubetkin offers us some sound advice and a very good tip on how to keep the “caring for each other” in our marriage. 

Mental health for marriage.

Marriage is in trouble. Not only has the divorce rate of 45 to 50% not abated but the rate of cheating amongst both men and women continues to increase. And what of the future ,where couples texting and not talking has become the standard way of courting and communicating.
 
Many of my married couple patients report that “lack of appreciation and compassion ” for the other is a major potential destroyer of relationships. While I believe that EVERY couple should enter couples therapy for regular tune ups throughout their time together, that is an ideal that most won’t follow. So here’s a tip to help strengthen your relationship:
 
Each person creates a CARING LIST, where you list the 5 specific ways that your partner can make you feel cared about and cherished……….ex. “Kiss me each morning when you leave for work”……”prepare dinner once a week for the kids”…….”tell me about your day and ask me about mine”……..give me a brief massage every Monday evening to unstress me after work”.  Make the requests specific and behavioral, not vague like “make me happy”
 
Exchange the lists, post them somewhere in the apartment or house, and each person is to fulfill at least three of the others requests each week. Make new lists when needed. Don’t play tit for tat by waiting for your partner to do your requests first. Note and discuss at the end of the week how each of you did in fulfilling the caring needs of the other.  It works! Try it!
Barry Lubetkin, Phd, ABBP is co-director of the Institute for Behavior Therapy in Manhattan.  Dr. Lubetkin has written two widely acclaimed books. Bailing Out (Simon and Schuster and Prentice Hall Press) and Why Do I Need You To Love Me In Order To Like Myself (Longmeadow and Borders Press). In addition, his 3-disc audio series on treating insomnia Dr. Barry’s Sound Asleep has recently been published. 
 
 
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English: A man sleeping on the street of The B...

A man sleeping on the street of The Bowery in Manhattan. The sign is for luxury condos. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are worse places to be homeless, cold and hungry than New York.  While it’s true that the City has thousands of homeless, we also have hundreds of soup kitchens and shelters.  On the coldest of nights the Department of Homeless Services sends out vans seeking homeless on the streets and offering to take them to a shelter.  A surprising number refuse assistance preferring to spend nights on subway platforms, in Penn Station or the Port Authority.  

However, on a cold February night, a hot meal can be very inviting.  Every Saturday night, Holy Trinity Church on the Upper East Side feeds anywhere from 100 to 150 homeless or near homeless men and women a delicious hot meal.  I’m not a member of this congregation but I admire their commitment to the neighborhood so much that I try to support their programs.  I’ve been to a couple of their fund-raisers and today I volunteered to work in the soup kitchen. You can learn more about all that they do at https://www.facebook.com/groups/542527365780030/ which is the Holy Trinity Neighborhood Center Facebook page.

This is the second time I’ve done this and it is quite an experience.  I wonder who and how many people does it take just to organize such an undertaking?  Where does the all the food come from?  How do these volunteers know how to prepare and cook for so many people?  Where do all the volunteers come from?  Today there were many high school kids working with a couple of their mothers.  I just strolled over and announced I was here to help.

My first task was to cut up loaves of bread and fill bread baskets.  Thankfully, the church has reached out to local merchants such as Eli’s Bread which is located nearby.  Eli Zabar makes great bread and apparently donates a LOT of bread.  Even after filling 18 baskets, there were many loaves left over.  Then I helped set the tables.  There were 17 tables set for six people each.  I folded napkins and some of the kids put them out along with the silverware.  I couldn’t help myself – I told one of the girls that the folded edge of the napkin had to be facing the dish and that the knives should have the serrated edge facing the plate.  I think they thought I was a bit OCD – of course they’re right BUT I also think that there is no reason not to have the table set properly.

The people who come to eat are treated with great respect by everyone and in return we are rewarded with many sincere “thank-you’s” and compliments about the food.  The men and women who come are not all homeless  but all are in need.  Tonight, because it was so cold out, many of them kept their coats on, some shed three and four layers of sweaters and jackets.  

This evening the meal was shredded chicken breast served over rice and with fresh broccoli, carrots, onions and red peppers in a light soy sauce.  Many of the volunteers are regulars and they set about cooking the chicken breasts, steaming the vegetables…things just kept humming along.  

Dinner was served around 5:15 and there is a huge core regular “guests”.  I can’t remember when I last volunteered but it was many months ago and I recognized several of the diners.  As soon as they sat down, they dove into the bread and we poured coffee.  I noted how many only wanted a half a cup – because they fill the rest of the cup with half and half and at least 5 people asked me if I could find real sugar;  They didn’t want the Sweet and Low.   Along with their plate of food which is served to each person, dessert was also served.  Chocolate cheese cakes and mini cupcakes and since Valentine’s Day is coming up, each place setting had a York peppermint heart and a Dove chocolate heart.  

The cold actually kept people away or perhaps they were ensconced in some shelter for the night because we served slightly less than 100 people and had a lot of food left over.  Seconds were offered and the line was long.  Some of the men and women had containers with them and they stashed away bread, butter, food and dessert.  I watched men put bread in their pockets.  The people who come to Holy Trinity on a Saturday night are very appreciative of the meal  and the work that goes into serving them.  Everyone was very polite and said thank you even when you just refilled their coffee cup.  

We made up 12 plates, a basket of bread and desserts for the twelve people who are registered and allowed to spend the night in church basement.  Holy Trinity is such an integral part of the community!  Every Tuesday afternoon, they feed the elderly in the neighborhood a lovely lunch.  All are welcome, no questions are asked and the occasion provides much-needed socialization for some in the neighborhood who don’t get out much and don’t have family watching over them.

I’m so glad I went this evening;  It helps me put my life in perspective.  I went because I made a commitment to myself that this year  I would:  “Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.”  Actually that quote from John Wesley was posted by my friend Dave Liston who is very involved with Holy Trinity’s Neighborhood Center programs. I read it and it just got to me.  I’m trying  anyway!

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