Pbenjay's Blog

Apologies readers, today just got away from me and I was unable to post our weekly Mental Health Monday but here it is.  This week, Dr. Barry Lubetkin explores sexuality, fetishism and fantasy, I’m sure you’ll want to read this week’s column.  Here is what he has to say:

BDSM_buttons_spanking_L (Photo credit: CapesTreasures)

“Since I began my career over forty years ago, no book has ever stirred the passions of my female patients more then the “pornmantic” best seller Fifty Shades of Gray .  It gave a voice to the often hidden sexual drives of women who desire more than just the vanilla, missionary position, warm and cuddly sexual play. It brought BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) out of the closet and into suburban bedrooms throughout America.

The powerful eroticism of enhancing sexual intimacy with fetishistic clothing, dominant submissive role playing, spanking, power exchange, etc., has finally been experienced by many thousands of couples who knew these fantasies existed in the deeper regions of their minds, but never felt free enough to express them. It is helpful that the main ethos of the BDSM community is to always keep these activities SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. The Internet is full of websites designed to guide the adventurous into experiencing a more variable and satisfying sex life.

Far too many marriages suffer from a deteriorating sex life because partners are unwilling to “take a chance” and try something different. A 62 year old male patient had felt embarrassed and “perverted” to ask his girlfriend to wear a particular outfit during sex. Her willingness to do so greatly enhanced his arousal level and ultimately improved their sex life overall.

Be willing to have those initially embarrassing but ultimately freeing conversations with your partner about fantasies, turn offs, “hot spots” during sex play. Talk “dirty” if that moves you, try new body areas to explore, but always…ALWAYS, keep verbal communication going, so everyone remains on the same page. As always I am available at IBT104@aol.com for more info.”

Dr. Barry Lubetkin has been a guest on several talk shows including  the Oprah Winfrey show and Carole Altman’s. Ms. Altman is the author of Electrify Your Sex Life: How To Get Rid Of Sexual Hangups and Inhibitions.