Posts Tagged ‘Oprah Winfrey’

Apologies readers, today just got away from me and I was unable to post our weekly Mental Health Monday but here it is.  This week, Dr. Barry Lubetkin explores sexuality, fetishism and fantasy, I’m sure you’ll want to read this week’s column.  Here is what he has to say:



BDSM_buttons_spanking_L (Photo credit: CapesTreasures)

Since I began my career over forty years ago, no book has ever stirred the passions of my female patients more then the “pornmantic” best seller Fifty Shades of Gray .  It gave a voice to the often hidden sexual drives of women who desire more than just the vanilla, missionary position, warm and cuddly sexual play. It brought BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) out of the closet and into suburban bedrooms throughout America.


The powerful eroticism of enhancing sexual intimacy with fetishistic clothing, dominant submissive role playing, spanking, power exchange, etc., has finally been experienced by many thousands of couples who knew these fantasies existed in the deeper regions of their minds, but never felt free enough to express them. It is helpful that the main ethos of the BDSM community is to always keep these activities SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL. The Internet is full of websites designed to guide the adventurous into experiencing a more variable and satisfying sex life.


Far too many marriages suffer from a deteriorating sex life because partners are unwilling to “take a chance” and try something different. A 62 year old male patient had felt embarrassed and “perverted” to ask his girlfriend to wear a particular outfit during sex. Her willingness to do so greatly enhanced his arousal level and ultimately improved their sex life overall.


Be willing to have those initially embarrassing but ultimately freeing conversations with your partner about fantasies, turn offs, “hot spots” during sex play. Talk “dirty” if that moves you, try new body areas to explore, but always…ALWAYS, keep verbal communication going, so everyone remains on the same page. As always I am available at IBT104@aol.com for more info.”


Dr. Barry Lubetkin has been a guest on several talk shows including  the Oprah Winfrey show and Carole Altman’s. Ms. Altman is the author of Electrify Your Sex Life: How To Get Rid Of Sexual Hangups and Inhibitions.


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I’m so pleased to introduce MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY to my readers.  I hope this becomes a regular feature and you will avail yourself of this opportunity to post a question or concern or contact our contributor, Barry Lubetkin, Phd, ABPP.

Barry Lubetkin is the Director of the Institute for Behavior Therapy and past president of the American Board of Behavior Therapy.  He has been a guest on Oprah Winfrey‘s show, a quoted source for numerous articles and a published author.  His latest book is Why Do I Need You To Love Me In Order To Like Myself.

Available through Amazon

Available through Amazon

Mental health tip for January 27, 2014

Nearly all anger feelings and outbursts are preceded by the cognitive belief represented by the words “should” or “must”….“He should never act that way”“She must act more fairly toward me”“He must stop drinking, I can’t stand it anymore”.  “The teacher should do more to discipline that child”….etc.  When we make unreasonable and inflexible demands on others or on the world to act in a certain way.  We set ourselves up for rage and upset when our irrational expectations are not met.  It is far better to wish or desire others to change rather than demanding and requiring them to do so…Or as famous Psychologist Albert Ellis once said: “Stop SHOULDING on yourself!!!”

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When I found myself tearing up in the first scene, I knew the next two hours were going to be very long.  I had a lump in my throat through out the entire movie and even those scenes that had the tears slowly rolling down my face did little to relieve that tight feeling in my throat

Lee Daniels The Butler is “gut-wrenching and emotionally affecting” – that is the consensus from the web site, Rotten Tomatoes.  Loosely based and inspired by A Butler Well-Served By This Election,, an article written  by Wil Haygood for the Washington Post

Here’s the GOOD:  Oprah Winfrey gave a fine performance as the likable, edgy and often boozy wife and will probably receive an Oscar nomination.  Forrest Whitaker in the starring role of Cecil Gaines is also an Oscar contender.  When he  looked at the camera and gave us the blank hear nothing, see nothing, say nothing and just serve look, you could never imagine him as the powerful and mad Idi Amin.  The sight of  the uber-liberal Jane Fonda decked out in Nancy Reagen-red  had the audience laughing out loud.  The casting of the “Presidents” was interesting;  Robin Williams didn’t quite embody Eisenhower, Liev Schreiber isn’t tall enough to be Johnson and his Texan accent was questionable but I sure did enjoy his lines.  James Marsden sounded more like Kennedy but was also short of stature and John Cusack was quite brilliant in his sinister shifty-eyed Nixon.

The BAD:  The movie is NOT based on a true story.  The real-life butler, Gene Allen, did not see his father murdered or his mother raped.  He had only one son who served honorably in Vietnam and was not a Black Panther or involved in politics.  Allen was born on a plantation in Virginia not in Georgia.  

Forest Whitaker

Forest Whitaker (Photo credit: Stephen Poff)

There has been considerable  criticism regarding the movie’s portrayal of Ronald Reagan, particularly his position on apartheid in South Africa.  There was no reference to the circumstances surrounding his non-action which had to do with the political climate of the day and the specter of yet another country falling to Communism.  

If you are “of a certain age” as I am, then the chronological series of historical events was a trip down memory lane.  The “events”  marked the 34 years Gene Allen served eight Presidents. Unfortunately, we view these historical  moments in Gumpian fashion through the eyes of a morally challenged hero rather than the mentally challenged Forrest.

THE UGLY; What was really ugly in this film?  Racism is ugly, poverty is ugly, hunger is ugly, classicism is ugly.  The true events were ugly because they really happened.  Freedom Riders were killed, protestors were beaten and hosed down.  College kids who sat in at the Woolworth’s counter were harassed, spit on and knocked down.  That in my lifetime, there were still signs that said WHITE and COLORED is really ugly!   Yes the truth is that the Ugly parts of this movie were all the true parts.

But that was then and this is now, and Barrack Hussein Obama is our President, who would have believed it?

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