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Posts Tagged ‘Health’

Oil on canvas

Narcissis =-Oil on canvas (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mental Health Monday looks into the world of narcissisim. Here’s what Dr. Barry Lubetkin has to say about this subject.

“One third of couples who seek me out for relationship therapy apparently have at least one member who demonstrates features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This condition can be a killer to healthy intimacy and good communication in relationships. One partner will regularly demonstrate extreme vanity, expectations for special treatment, a hunger for admiration, and most destructively, an inability to feel and express empathy for their partner. They also tend to be exploitative of others and have a very tough time handling critical feedback.

While exact etiology is unknown, extreme over praise OR severe criticism as a child have often been implicated. Depression often accompanies this personality temperament.

The Narcissist simply is so self absorbed that they are unable to anticipate the hurt feelings of a partner. They have great difficulty putting themselves “inside” the heart and mind of the other. Empathy is non existent, or can be faked in order to gain the admiration of the partner or the partner’s family. Without intense and prolonged therapy narcissists do not develop the kind of insight that allows them to overcome their basic insecurity which they then cover up in an attempt to protect their fragile selves.

If any of these descriptions fit the one you love,insist that they seek out professional help!”

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Now here’s some thoughts and words you probably never expected to hear a therapist talk about.  Dr. Barry Lubetkin sounds off on his profession!

 

 

 

Personality and Psychotherapy - John Dollard a...

Personality and Psychotherapy – John Dollard and Neal E. Miller (Photo credit: Gwendal_)

 

” The experience of psychotherapy and mental health counseling is such a potentially life changing period in so many peoples lives that it should require the practitioner to proceed with the highest degree of professionalism , intelligence and creativity. And yet several times each month new patients to my practice complain about past therapists who they feel let them down in one significant way or another. Therapists are imperfect human beings of course,but some of these “errors” seem way beyond the pale.

 

The therapist who insists that you MUST continue with sessions even though you are quite certain you need to take a break.
The therapist who charges you for missed sessions when you are on vacation.
The therapist who never discusses explicitly the goals of therapy.
The therapist who often seems distracted,sleepy or disinterested during your session.
The therapist who gossips about other patients or about the celebrities they have treated.
The therapist who is so stuck on one theoretical orientation,that they won’t study the literature about other approaches which might help you.
The therapist who NEVER gives advice and ALWAYS asks “what do you think”
The therapist who gets defensive when you say you want a second opinion from another therapist.
The therapist who belittles you.

 

The list could be much longer! You have the right as a patient to question your therapists behavior and skills. DONT accept laziness,indifference,or NON constructive criticism. There are many many wonderful,compassionate and skilled therapists out there. Find one and celebrate your own growth!”
You can reach Dr. Lubetkin to obtain more information or to ask a question at: The Institute For Behavior Therapy at IBT104@AOL.com 

 

 

 

 

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A brief but meaningful and call to action this MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY  from Dr. Barry Lubetkin.

” I have only one mental health message today. As we all have read,the physical and mental health needs of our veterans are simply being ignored by an incompetent and overwhelmed VA system. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,Depression,Drug Addiction and numerous other mental and behavioral disorders have become endemic among our soldiers,sailors and airmen. They defend us with their lives and the bureaucracy makes them wait months for medical and psychiatric appointments.

Today,take out 5 minutes and email your congressman or congresswoman and demand that this national shame be repaired. Thank you!”

Dr. Barry Lubetkin

What Does It Mean To You?

What Does It Mean To You?

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Internet

   I LOVE MY INTERNET

Whoa! Dr. Barry Lubetkin is touching on a very hot topic this week.  One that I dare say touches many of us and/or members of our families!  Just think about the hours spent on mindless game playing, endless emails (as opposed to face to face or person to person phone calls) as a form of communication and add in the timeless fascination with the Internet as the go to resource for information and fact on any and every subject in the world.  

Mental Health professionals are disturbed by the growing dependence on the intense pleasure and distraction capability that chronic cruising the internet is providing millions;  Teenagers who search endlessly for games or social media contacts. Stay at home moms who seek out shopping bargains and then return everything because the initial impulse to buy was fueled by boredom.  Men, both lonely and married, and often both, who spend countless hours denying and escaping their daily reality of stress by immersing into the world of pornography.

The definition of internet addiction is largely understood in terms of how the time spent on the screen and keyboard interferes with normal and role-expected behavior.  Are work or social obligations being ignored? Is there an actual shift in conscious awareness occurring (eg.attention and focus on the moment disappears)?  Do endless hours pass without realization?
Do other potentially problematic habits regularly accompany internet activity such as drinking, overeating, overspending, chronic masturbation? Are normal family conversations stunted or non -existent?

We know that actual brain wave changes occur for many folks when they go on the internet, as well as neurotransmitter changes which regulate mood. For these reasons, it is likely that over dependence on the internet will become progressive and more and more difficult to give up.

Self diagnose your addiction. Be brutally honest with yourself. Attempt to identify what needs in your life are not being met by normal means. What are you really escaping from? Are there alternative ways you can reduce your stress or loneliness. Even serious bloggers like many of us are not immune if our need for recognition or approval from others is interfering with enjoying our lives in other ways. Get more information from me at info@ifbt.net”.

Internet

Internet (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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This week’s Mental Health tip needs no introduction from me – the title says it all!

” The National Institute for Mental Health estimates that many many millions of Americans should be receiving mental health services for their problems. Add to that the vast number of individuals who might benefit from Psychotherapy and Counseling as a prevention for future problems, and those who simply want to share their secret fears, dreams, and joys with another human being who can be objective and non judgment in his listening and feedback.

The stigma is gone!!!! Many folks talk openly about their counseling. Hundreds of self help groups and organizations abound. Getting Psychological help is now seen as a sign of strength and maturity. Several of my single patients require their new partners to get psychological checkups as often as requiring HIV testing! If you are brutally honest with yourself you know that there is some fundamental issue in your life that you have not been able to resolve. Perhaps an unresolved family conflict, a lifetime phobia, or an elusive feeling of happiness that always feels out of reach.

Many insurance policies cover Psychotherapy with a professional therapist. There is no excuse for not at least seeking out a couple of sessions. Think for a moment…….what are you afraid of? Often the fear is that you will reveal more of yourself TO YOURSELF than you think you can handle!  Get out of denial and take a real healthy risk for yourself.”

Tell me how it goes at shpilkes@aol.com

Thanks as always to Dr. Barry Lubetkin, who generously shares a weekly Mental Health topic with us.

Logo of the National Institute of Mental Health.

Logo of the National Institute of Mental Health. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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May is Borderline Personality Disorder month! Who knew?  Well Dr. Barry Lubetkin certainly knew and this week he shares some insight into this very common but difficult diagnosis and treatment.

” Borderline Personality Disorder………The toughest diagnosis

Did you know that by an action of Congress, May is Borderline Personality Disorder month!!  BPD is a most challenging mental disorder; It is characterized by many of the following symptoms:
1.Emotional instability and impulsivity.
2.Poor interpersonal relationships and poor self image
3.Intense fears of abandonment.
4.Manipulative behavior to obtain nurturance
5.Drug and alcohol abuse
6.Increased probability of suicidal gestures or attempts.

Individuals with BPD (three times as many are woman then men), are often the toughest challenges to therapists, and often resist potentially effective treatment. While medication and directive Cognitive Behavior Therapy may help reduce paralyzing symptoms, progress is often slow and inconsistent.  Research now indicates that the most promising approach is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).  It consists of intensive group and individual therapy focusing on helping patients control emotional upheavals by learning how to soothe themselves, practicing developing new interpersonal skills, resisting the impulse to condemn themselves, challenging irrational assumptions about how others view them, and a whole lot more.  In New York City, The Psychiatry Department at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital offers this treatment.

The best books out on the subject are…..”Stop Walking on Eggshells“, “I Hate You,Don’t Leave Me” and any excellent text by Dr. Marsha Linehan,the discoverer of DBT.  Contact me at the Institute For Behavior Therapy at IBT104@AOL.com for more info.”

Cover of "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taki...

Cover via Amazon

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Death Calls Us All

Death Calls Us All

Mental Health Monday continues our weekly series today with an eye-opening, hard-hitting look at the deep-seated fear and anxiety we all have about dying and death.  Dr. Barry Lubetkin, interestingly chose this topic today, the very day after the Christians of the world celebrated the Resurrection of Jesus Christ – this is just my personal observation.

“A 76 year old gentleman consulted me recently concerning his lifelong Type-A behavior at work and at home.  He never rested, he told me. He was always ON, working, strategizing, planning. He hadn’t vacationed in years and refused to ever consider retirement.  He had denied his family countless hours of quality time with him, while he went about driving himself,  never stopping to smell the roses.  After several hours of therapy it became clear that one of the motivators behind his inability to relax and stay in the moment was a profound fear of dying. By never quieting himself, he was able to continuously distract himself from anticipating his own demise.

This case is not the exception.  As Baby Boomers begin to experience the physical and mental effects of their aging, they are forced to consider the inevitability of their own mortality. While many are able to accept with grace that dying is a natural part of living, many others secretly live their lives with terror about dying, and develop mental and physical behaviors designed to DENY its reality. Obsessive compulsive behavior, cruel and sadistic personality styles, certain phobias, depression, severe anxiety, and even ironically, suicidal thoughts are often partially driven by unexpressed anxiety about dying.

Since we all are going to die eventually, we had better become as proactive as possible in de-horrorfying and de-catastrophizing our thoughts about our eventual demise. A sensitive and experienced cognitive behavior therapist can be helpful. Also I strongly recommend the best book on the subject of overcoming terror about dying….”Staring at The Sun” by Psychiatrist Sydney Yalom.  It should be required reading for all of us.  It is that good!”  As always feel free to email me at IBT104@AOL.com

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English: A Diagram of procrastination cycle. T...

English: A Diagram of procrastination cycle. Task features, internal factors, irrational beliefs, behavior and consequences are shown. used for a university assessment. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week, Dr. Barry Lubetkin taps into our discomfort zone and offers us sound advice on how to stay motivated.

Discomfort Dodging and the Comfort Junkies

To one degree or another we are all discomfort dodgers. We believe in the mañana principal;  If it’s a hassle or uncomfortable to get to, then just put it off until tomorrow!  Stay within your comfort zone…don’t venture into activities that might cause anxiety or hard mental or physical stress!

Of course the problem with this mental attitude is that by regularly avoiding the day to day hassles of life (eg. studying, housework, cold calling, writing a paper, visiting a doctor,  asking for a raise, etc., etc.) we allow things to go unaccomplished, anxiety and stress increase, self esteem suffers, and the forward progress that we all want to achieve in our lives stalls.

When we dodge discomfort what exactly are we telling ourselves? “I don’t have the mental energy to do the task”, “I’ll be too embarrassed,” It’s too difficult,” If I’m successful they will expect more,”  etc., etc. blah, blah, blah!

Once you have determined the exact cause of your unhelpful whining…CHALLENGE IT!  Discover that you really have little evidence to support your idea that you can’t possibly do the task. Remind yourself that you have done it many times before. Will there really be no mental cost if you remain on your couch and do nothing?  Of course there will be!

Every day choose one task you have been dodging, and push yourself to accomplish it. Ask a friend to support your decision. Spend much more time in the zone of discomfort and abandon the zone of complacency. Here’s a task: email me, at ibt104 @aol.com and tell me what you think.

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Available through Amazon

Available through Amazon

Where are the lines drawn between the disease-stricken hoarders, the messy clutterers and the over-enthusiastic collectors? Dr. Barry Lubetkin, Phd, ABBP offers us insight on the distinction between a diagnosed disorder and a hobby or personality characteristic.

Hoarders and Clutterers and Collectors Oh My!!!

The Psychiatric problem of hoarding had been under diagnosed for many years .But recently with increased media attention(see several New York Times articles in the past four months),the

wildly popular reality TV show “Hoarders” and recent major advances in the diagnosis and treatment of this mental affliction, many more people are getting professional help.
It is important to point out that while many of us may have lived with and accepted clutter in our homes for our entire lives, being diagnosed as a hoarder requires that the clutter must seriously interfere with the quality of our lives and risk our safety. Navigating through dangerous paths in our home with furniture and garbage piled on either side, shame of exposure leading to living lonely isolated lives, or irrational superstitious beliefs that cleaning up or throwing out certain articles will lead to terrible consequences………these all will confirm the diagnosis.

The etiology of hoarding is multi determined…….a previous diagnosis of obsessive compulsive disorder, prolonged depression, unkempt,and chaotic childhood homes, have all been implicated. Even the well intentioned collector who has enjoyed his passion for saving and displaying his collections is sometimes at risk if other psychiatric disorders emerge and create a vulnerability to depression and indifference to caring for themselves or their living conditions.

Treatment involves a variety of interventions :Anti depressant medication,engaging family support during the clearing process, Cognitive Behavior Therapy to reduce anxiety and panic and designed to educate the hoarder on the irrational and superstitious thinking elements of the disorder,and guided practice in controlling their environment post treatment.

With less serious clutter collectors who feel their mess has gotten difficult for them to control, I suggest starting with small portions of the affected areas (one corner of the bedroom,piles of books and papers on the floor,etc), and slowly progress over time to prioritize what to throw out. Dividing your “stuff” into A ,B and C groups………must keep, maybe keep, must dispose, is often very helpful. Feel free to contact me at ibt104@aol.com for further advice.

 Barry Lubetkin, Phd, ABBP is co-director of the Institute for Behavior Therapy in Manhattan.  Dr. Lubetkin has written two widely acclaimed books. Bailing Out (Simon and Schuster and Prentice Hall Press) and Why Do I Need You To Love Me In Order To Like Myself (Longmeadow and Borders Press). In addition, his 3-disc audio series on treating insomnia Dr. Barry’s Sound Asleep has recently been published. 

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One Fear illustration from Book of Fears

One Fear illustration from Book of Fears (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

PHOBIAS and IRRATIONAL FEARS

By Dr. Barry Lubekin

Human beings experience hundreds of different phobias and overwhelming fears and anxieties. Many are deep rooted, and find their origin in long forgotten childhood traumas. Others develop more recently and are traced to reactions to frightening events or complex relationship dilemmas. When these phobic reactions actually interfere with normal daily functioning,professional intervention is the best course.

Here is an example of the 2 origins of an airplane flying phobia: the first patient was traumatized at age 11 when flying with her newly divorced parents,the plane hit very unsettling turbulence and she was very uncomfortable flying as an adult.  The second patient, panicked at the possibility that her husband was cheating on her,refused to fly to various job assignments, fearful that the husband would carry on his affair while she was gone! Note….the same fear with two very different origins, and treated in very different ways.

The most effective treatment for irrational simple phobias is called “flooding” and involves gradual exposure in imagery and in real life to the phobic object or situation. More complex phobias( eg. The fearful wife above) are best treated with cognitive behavior therapy(CBT) involving assertiveness training, meditation and relaxation techniques, and challenging irrational needs for dependence,and superstitious beliefs.

Do you have a phobia? Describe it to me in a private email. Send to IBT 104@aol.com and I will be happy to let you know the best treatment options available. Make your message attention to Dr. Lubetkin. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Dr. Barry Lubetkin is in private practice in NYC. He is the co-director of the Institute for Behavior Therapy.  He is a published author and frequent guest on TV and radio shows as an authoritative voice on mental health issues.

 

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