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PSYCHOTHERAPY! What The Hell Are You Waiting For??

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2014| 1 Comment »

This week’s Mental Health tip needs no introduction from me – the title says it all!

” The National Institute for Mental Health estimates that many many millions of Americans should be receiving mental health services for their problems. Add to that the vast number of individuals who might benefit from Psychotherapy and Counseling as a prevention for future problems, and those who simply want to share their secret fears, dreams, and joys with another human being who can be objective and non judgment in his listening and feedback.

The stigma is gone!!!! Many folks talk openly about their counseling. Hundreds of self help groups and organizations abound. Getting Psychological help is now seen as a sign of strength and maturity. Several of my single patients require their new partners to get psychological checkups as often as requiring HIV testing! If you are brutally honest with yourself you know that there is some fundamental issue in your life that you have not been able to resolve. Perhaps an unresolved family conflict, a lifetime phobia, or an elusive feeling of happiness that always feels out of reach.

Many insurance policies cover Psychotherapy with a professional therapist. There is no excuse for not at least seeking out a couple of sessions. Think for a moment…….what are you afraid of? Often the fear is that you will reveal more of yourself TO YOURSELF than you think you can handle!  Get out of denial and take a real healthy risk for yourself.”

Tell me how it goes at shpilkes@aol.com

Thanks as always to Dr. Barry Lubetkin, who generously shares a weekly Mental Health topic with us.

Logo of the National Institute of Mental Health.

Logo of the National Institute of Mental Health. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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The Big Yard Sale

Posted in Ha-P 2 B in OG, Peter Coddles, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2014| Leave a Comment »

It’s 7:30 am and I’m hustling around to get ready for the today’s big yard sale.  I have spent the last couple of weeks scrounging around the apartment, the cottage and through stuff we’ve had left over from doing Flea Markets.  In other words I have WAY TOO much stuff to put out on two tables!!

AND as Peter predicted the ground is wet because for the last two days we have showers….this is NOT an auspicious beginning 😦

I literally spent the entire day yesterday sorting through the boxes of stuff trying to group the junk, er, I mean stuff into plastic bins and price each piece.  This is of course an area where we diverge: I want this stuff GONE and am happy to price it to sell and well, my other half is a bit more attached to his possessions and is not giving anything away!  Oh no?  I’ve already promised myself that 90% of what is going into the sale is going to Goodwill and Habitats if it doesn’t sell.

I’m not immune to the fact that we are probably putting out some items that really don’t belong in  a yard sale, they are much more Flea Market antiques and nostalgic collectibles but right now, this is the only venue.  And, I swear I will do another yard sale in the summer when lots more people are in town.  This particular day was designated by an organizer and promoted as Town Wide.  I hope there was sufficient advertising to entice people to come even though this is one gray, soggy day.  Oh how dismal it all looks now!

This is the morning to be moving quickly and hello Murphy’s Law – we’re up and Peter takes the first shower and drops his lens in the bathroom-15 minutes later we find it.  I need him dressed and outside to set up those big table for me and to lug the crap er, I mean stuff out to the porch.  Just to add to the total aggravation of it all is the fact we broke the door on our shed two weeks ago, it’s not fixed so the wagon which is supposed to be for sale is in there along with big sheets of plastic I wanted with me in case of a shower!  Oh yeah, think it’s going to be a fun, fun day all around!

Friday afternoon my living room looked like this…

And this…

Trying To Sort Through

Trying To Sort Through

By 8pm last night, I had priced, sorted and packed up everything and then listened to the weather report

Way Too Much Stuff

Way Too Much Stuff

Packed and Priced

Packed and Price

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WRITER’S BLOCK -An Old Term, A Contemporary Problem

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2014| 2 Comments »

MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY

This week’s topic, Writer’s Block, couldn’t be more timely for me personally.  For the past several months I’ve been struggling with my blog.  I do like to write and I have a fairly good regimen (okay sometimes not so regular) and perhaps if I apply the principles outlined in Dr. Barry Lubetkin‘s mental health tip this week, I’ll find that it isn’t so important as to how many people read this every day and remember that I write because I like to and a little discipline  would be a good thing!

“We are all writers……students……bloggers……executives…….moms………novelists….. We can usually write the simple stuff without procrastinating or being perfectionistic;  Birthday cards, shopping lists,brief memos,etc etc, all get done with relative ease. BUT when it comes to the words that convey the really important stuff about ourselves and our theories and ideas, we often get stuck.

#ds139 "Writer's Block"

#ds139 “Writer’s Block” (Photo credit: Sharon Drummond)

I have treated dozens of writers who struggle every day to overcome their writing paralysis. Usually, but not always, the culprit is obsessive perfectionism. “Will anyone really like this”, “I am out of ideas”, “This seems really dumb”, “I will get to it tomorrow”, “I have to make this perfect”.

Here is a quick solution to this form of writers block;  First, set a sacred unchangeable time EVERY DAY to write.  An hour, twenty minutes, it doesn’t matter. Go to a comfortable private place, set a timer, and start writing. Even if all you produce is gibberish and nonsense words, you must still WRITE! Do nothing else during this period. Once you have established a regular routine of writing at the same time every day, then you may extend the writing period as needed. At the end of your sacred writing time, reward yourself with something meaningful…a special treat…call a friend…tune on a mindless TV show…write yourself a complimentary note. You deserve it!”

As always feel free to email me at IBT104@AOL.com

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Cinco de Mayo – It’s Not Just Margaritas and Salsa

Posted in BY THE WAY, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2014| Leave a Comment »

I love to celebrate any holiday, I really do….my ideal is to always have a party or dinner significant to the holiday or event.  We’ve had Mardi Gras parties, Oscar parties, Martini parties, Super Bowl Sunday dinners with dishes from the team’s home states, Valentine cookies and cakes, Easter brunches, July 4th picnics…you name it and we’ve had it at one time or another.

Some holidays are about a lot more than the food and fun.  I understand the importance of the religious aspect of Christmas and Easter, the historical significance of July 4th and other national holidays.  So in that vein, and before we start to down those Magaritas and eat chips and salsa and dine on Mexican food tonight, I thought I would re-post a blog from a couple of years ago.  It’s the story of Cinco de Mayo.

May 5th, battle of Puebla, cinco de mayo, celebration, Mexico, French forces

This is Why We Celebrate Victory

If you’ve noticed a sudden dearth of avocados, limes, Corona Extras and Jose Cuervo at your local grocery store over the past couple of days, don’t panic — no one is conspiring against you. Instead, your neighbors are simply stocking up to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, a holiday celebrated in Mexico and all over the United States with delicious Mexican cuisine, far too much alcohol and plenty of fanfare.

But Cinco de Mayo (“the fifth of May”) is much more than an entertaining way to forget an entire day’s worth of events. The holiday owes its origins to the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, when the Mexican army overcame seemingly insurmountable odds to defeat invading French forces from conquering the state of Puebla. The victory remains a cause for commemoration nearly 150 years later.

Interestingly enough, Cinco de Mayo isn’t celebrated in Mexico nearly as much as it is in the United States, as the country’s most widely recognized national patriotic holiday is actually the Mexican Independence Day on September 16. But Cinco de Mayo gets plenty of attention in the U.S. not just from Mexican-Americans, but also from anybody interested in seeking out new forms of cultural exposure — largely due to the efforts of liquor companies and Mexican restaurants.

Last year, MTV Tr3s sent comedian Cristela Alonzo to Los Angeles’ historic Olvera Street to report on the community’s deep understanding of Cinco del Mayo. While the holiday has historic roots, Alonzo acknowledged that many participants view Cinco de Mayo as “an excuse to get drunk and party.” But as Alonzo learned, enjoying the rowdier aspects of Cinco de Mayo doesn’t have to come at the expense of forgetting the holiday’s cultural significance.

“What’s important is to remember the meaning behind the holiday,” she reported of her findings. “It’s about freedom and to celebrate those who had the courage to defend it.”

So as you immerse yourself in today’s festivities, make sure to put your ice cold cerveza down for long enough to acknowledge the true meaning of Cinco de Mayo, a holiday built on the foundation of freedom. ** This article is from the MTV website

And today!  

Corona, Dos Equis, beer, fiesta, Mexico, Battle of Puebla, cinco de mayo, jose cuervo, tequila, limes, margharitas

Cha Cha Cha It’s Fiesta Time

Corona, Dos Equis, beer, fiesta, Mexico, Battle of Puebla, cinco de mayo, jose cuervo, tequila, limes, margharitas
Cha Cha Cha It’s Fiesta Time!
You know what they say: Drink responsibly, Drive safely – OH WAIT, we live in New York City, we can be totally irresponsible – BUT then again there is May 6th to think about!

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What Goes Around Comes Around

Posted in BY THE WAY, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Or History Repeats Itself!  Clichés yes, true yes!

Over the past several years I have been noticing how many things are being re-introduced to the PBCB generation.  Oh you don’t know who that is?  PBCB is my term for the all the young marrieds (from about 2002 on) who filled their Wedding Registry with items from Crate & Barrrel, Potter Barn and some Williams Sonoma thrown in for good measure.

Amazon.com

Amazon.com

The REAL Thing

The REAL Thing

My household has been filled with real retro items for years.  I love kitchen ware, dish ware and flatware from the 30’s-40’s and 50’s.  I have wonderful pieces such as the red, yellow and blue refrigerator dishes with the glass lids and now from Amazon.com you can buy a clear glass storage dish.  I had beautiful round golden oak claw foot dining room table in my house in CT and although I know 90% of the X and Y generation eschew the old and like to buy newer than new, I did a double-take when I opened up a Pottery Barn catalogue and saw their new round oak table!  Visit any one of the Holy Three (Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn and Williams Sonoma) and you will find Fondue Pots, Martini Shakers, Mason jars, Bread boxes – I’m not saying when I was a 20-year-old newlywed that I was looking for antique furniture or retro kitchen ware, but within a couple of years I realized the value and practicality of many of the old items NOT to mention the price.  You can buy furniture made out of real wood, not laminated at an auction or thrift or antique shop for less than what you might pay for compressed board and veneer.

What actually prompted this blog today was the fact that someone clicked on a previous blog post of mine https://pbenjay.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/what-the-heck-is-this-obsolete-relics-from-my-life/ and I took the opportunity to re-read it myself.   And then the light bulb went off and I thought about the present my sister-in-law, Juanita gave me on Saturday;  If you have a smart phone or Blackberry and you are over the age of 50, you probably send texts and emails (like me) filled with strange words, badly spelled and a lot of non sequiturs  because our fingers are too fat for the keypad or we are attempting to write that email or text while we are sitting on the bus or worse yet, walking.  You know you can send some very embarrassing stuff.  She gave me a stylus!  A cute little handy item with a soft rubber head and bingo, I find myself typing out clear messages!  

Yes, what goes around, comes around especially in an older person’s mind – I just discovered that I wrote a blog post almost identical to this one in 2010.  See https://pbenjay.wordpress.com/2010/09/22/whats-old-is-new-again/

Now if you haven’t clicked on the link for the older blog or blogs and you have no idea of what I’m talking about, now would be the time to do so!  

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Borderline Personality Disorder – Mental Health Monday

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , on April 28, 2014| 5 Comments »

May is Borderline Personality Disorder month! Who knew?  Well Dr. Barry Lubetkin certainly knew and this week he shares some insight into this very common but difficult diagnosis and treatment.

” Borderline Personality Disorder………The toughest diagnosis

Did you know that by an action of Congress, May is Borderline Personality Disorder month!!  BPD is a most challenging mental disorder; It is characterized by many of the following symptoms:
1.Emotional instability and impulsivity.
2.Poor interpersonal relationships and poor self image
3.Intense fears of abandonment.
4.Manipulative behavior to obtain nurturance
5.Drug and alcohol abuse
6.Increased probability of suicidal gestures or attempts.

Individuals with BPD (three times as many are woman then men), are often the toughest challenges to therapists, and often resist potentially effective treatment. While medication and directive Cognitive Behavior Therapy may help reduce paralyzing symptoms, progress is often slow and inconsistent.  Research now indicates that the most promising approach is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).  It consists of intensive group and individual therapy focusing on helping patients control emotional upheavals by learning how to soothe themselves, practicing developing new interpersonal skills, resisting the impulse to condemn themselves, challenging irrational assumptions about how others view them, and a whole lot more.  In New York City, The Psychiatry Department at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital offers this treatment.

The best books out on the subject are…..”Stop Walking on Eggshells“, “I Hate You,Don’t Leave Me” and any excellent text by Dr. Marsha Linehan,the discoverer of DBT.  Contact me at the Institute For Behavior Therapy at IBT104@AOL.com for more info.”

Cover of "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taki...

Cover via Amazon

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” I DON’T WANT TO DIE” – Overcoming Anxiety About Death

Posted in Mental Health Monday, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2014| 2 Comments »

Death Calls Us All

Death Calls Us All

Mental Health Monday continues our weekly series today with an eye-opening, hard-hitting look at the deep-seated fear and anxiety we all have about dying and death.  Dr. Barry Lubetkin, interestingly chose this topic today, the very day after the Christians of the world celebrated the Resurrection of Jesus Christ – this is just my personal observation.

“A 76 year old gentleman consulted me recently concerning his lifelong Type-A behavior at work and at home.  He never rested, he told me. He was always ON, working, strategizing, planning. He hadn’t vacationed in years and refused to ever consider retirement.  He had denied his family countless hours of quality time with him, while he went about driving himself,  never stopping to smell the roses.  After several hours of therapy it became clear that one of the motivators behind his inability to relax and stay in the moment was a profound fear of dying. By never quieting himself, he was able to continuously distract himself from anticipating his own demise.

This case is not the exception.  As Baby Boomers begin to experience the physical and mental effects of their aging, they are forced to consider the inevitability of their own mortality. While many are able to accept with grace that dying is a natural part of living, many others secretly live their lives with terror about dying, and develop mental and physical behaviors designed to DENY its reality. Obsessive compulsive behavior, cruel and sadistic personality styles, certain phobias, depression, severe anxiety, and even ironically, suicidal thoughts are often partially driven by unexpressed anxiety about dying.

Since we all are going to die eventually, we had better become as proactive as possible in de-horrorfying and de-catastrophizing our thoughts about our eventual demise. A sensitive and experienced cognitive behavior therapist can be helpful. Also I strongly recommend the best book on the subject of overcoming terror about dying….”Staring at The Sun” by Psychiatrist Sydney Yalom.  It should be required reading for all of us.  It is that good!”  As always feel free to email me at IBT104@AOL.com

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PASSmeOver Some of that Matzo Crack! I’m Addicted

Posted in BY THE WAY, Everyday Food, FAMILY & FRIENDS, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2014| 1 Comment »

English: "Holyland" brand matzah, ma...

“Holyland” brand matzah, machine-made in Jerusalem and purchased at Trader Joes in the United States (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tonight which as you know is unlike any other night or if you don’t, you can check out a previous blog of mine https://pbenjay.wordpress.com/2010/03/30/why-is-this-night-different-from-all-other-nights/.  Anyway tonight we are going to my sister-in-law’s home for a Seder dinner.  It will of course be a feast, and being the balabusta  she is, she is cooking a very traditional meal as well as adding vegetarian dishes for the one or two non-meat eaters in the group.  And by group I mean she is seating and serving 11 people tonight!

I asked what I could bring and was assigned an asparagus dish.  I’m going to make a room temperature asparagus platter with an egg sauce on top.  If I haven’t already posted this recipe previously, I will tomorrow.  It was a traditional Easter Sunday dinner side in my family for years.

And then if I can organize myself, I plan to make some Matzo Crack!  This is a surprise addition to the meal.  Naturally Stacey, our hostess, who is size 2 is planning on serving strawberries and cream for dessert, something light and moderately healthy.  I, on the other hand, am hoping for the taste of chocolate and in keeping with the holiday tradition of no leavened bread, I’m going to make chocolate toffee matzoh! 

So simple to do (they say) and since I’m posting this prior to actually making it, I can’t attest to that but I do believe this is not going to be difficult at all.

4-5 pieces of matzo

1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

1 cup ( 2 sticks) unsalted butter

1 cup bittersweet chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate bits

Toppings as desired

Preheat oven to 375º

Line baking sheet with aluminum foil and/or parchment paper.  Place matzo in one layer on baking sheet, breaking it when necessary to fill pan complexly.

In large sauce pan, melt the butter and brown sugar together over medium heat, stirring constantly.  Once mixture reaches a boil, continue to cook for additional 3 minutes, still stirring, until thickened and just starting to pull away from the sides of the pan.  Remove from heat and pour over matzo, spreading evenly with a heat proof spatula.

Put the pan in the oven, then immediately turn the heat down to 350 degrees.  Bake for 15 minutes, watching to make sure it doesn’t burn.  If it looks like it is starting to burn, turn heat down to 325 degrees.

After 15 minutes, the toffee should have  bubbled up and turned a rich golden brown.  Remove from the oven and immediately sprinkle the chocolate over the pan.  Let sit for 5 minutes and then spread the now-melted chocolate evenly with a spatula.

You can leave as it is or add a topping such as sea salt or toasted nuts.  Let cool completely, then break into smaller pieces and store in airtight container.

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THE POWER OF POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT – Mental Health Monday

Posted in Mental Health Monday, tagged , , , , , , , on April 14, 2014| 1 Comment »

(A swedish diagram showing the effect on a fre...

(A swedish diagram showing the effect on a frequency of a behavior when under positive reinforcement) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU CATCH A SPOUSE OR CHILD DOING SOMETHING GOOD?  Seems like it should be a simple answer but ….not always!  Read what Dr. Barry Lubetkin has to offer in the way of good communication and parenting skills:

“The research is unambiguous and definitive…….Positive reinforcement is far superior to negative reinforcement (punishment), when the goal is to influence and strengthen another’s behavior. And yet despite this fact,we human beings continue to yell,humiliate,undercut and generally disparage others when they engage in a behavior or habit that we find undesirable or annoying.

Witness the mother who continues to yell at the child who curses out loud. The child continues to curse and is often reacting to the mothers attention even though it is negative. Witness the wife who continuously shames her husband each time he leaves his dirty clothing out without bringing it to the laundry. More often then not her negative reaction does not diminish the sloppy behavior at all, but simply leads to anger and passive aggressive behavior.

But what would the results be if that same mother chose to hug and praise the child when 10 minutes elapse without cursing……..and do it again 10 more minutes later! And what if the wife thanked the husband immediately after he picked up his socks and repeated that praise whenever he attempted (even if not completely successful) behaving in a less slovenly manner. If positive reinforcement is given immediately and consistently after a desired behavior is demonstrated, it will strengthen the probability of that behavior occurring again.

“Catching a child being good” has been a mainstay of child behavior therapy for many years,so it is surprising how few parents practice it. Here’s an assignment…..choose one behavior or bad habit that your child or partner continues to do and wait 10 minutes for it not to occur and then immediately thank and praise them for not doing it. Repeat every 10 to 30 minutes or when appropriate, and watch that bad habit begin to diminish! ”  Email me at IBT104@aol.com with your results!

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SIX HOURS OF MINDLESS TV or How to relieve some stress

Posted in BY THE WAY, Smooth or Crunchy, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 12, 2014| 2 Comments »

Well, last night was quite an evening….I started at 8:00PM insisting we watch the 2 hour special of Kitchen Nightmares.  I love Gordon Ramsey and make no apologies for saying so!  I watch Hell’s Kitchen, Master Chef and Kitchen Nightmares.  Last night my husband watched it with me and whether he did so out of love or reluctance to get up off the couch is up for debate.  Actually he wanted to see this episode because we had seen the original show of Amy’s Bakery and we, like apparently hundreds of other watchers were both fascinated and appalled by the goings on in Scottsdale!  If you didn’t see the show and are at all curious I understand that YouTube has many clips.  Amy  and her husband George (aka The Gangster) run a restaurant and while they are at it, they run a lot of their customers out of the dining room and run all of their wait staff out the door!  This morning, Peter wanted to discuss just how fascinating a personality Amy is and I sort of dismissed her by remarking “I don’t find narcissism and neurotic behavior all that fascinating”.  Probably the rigid Germanic side of my ancestry!

Anyway this blog was not intended to go on and on about that show but seriously I could….Which makes those two characters and Gordon Ramsey interesting and fascinating after all!

Next I checked out my DVR to find what else I may have recorded for my own personal viewing;  I say that because Peter hates to watch commercial TV and usually only watched movies (the black and white kind of course) so I tape many of the “dumb” shows I want to see and I watch them way into the wee hours of the night.  I told him I was going to watch The Millionaire Matchmaker which I thought would surely drive him into the bedroom but no, he stayed.  This particular episode was about this shallow, disgusting and fat (yes I said fat) NY publicist and I figured if he was going to watch one of these shows, he would find this one interesting.  NOTE: the word interesting doesn’t alway connote something clever or good.  She was so disgusting I refuse to give her any more verbiage in my blog!

I think Peter left the room after that because I announced I was going to watch Grey’s Anatomy.  I knew he would scoot out of the den before that was on.  He hates doctor/hospital shows and this one is a soap too.  I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy since its beginning but wonder if it is readying itself for a swan song ending.  I read somewhere that Sandra Oh is leaving and now it looks like Karev will be off making some real money in private practice!  Peter just loves it when I talk about these characters as if they were real people lol.

English: Logo for the US television show Grey'...

 Grey’s Anatomy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been under A LOT OF STRESS lately and sitting alone on the couch last night, remote firmly in my hand  was lovely!  After my Grey’s fix, I watched the last Hell’s Kitchen episode that I missed this week.  Yes, it was time for Mike to go.  Nobody on the blue team liked him and they would never let him help out so he always ended up looking inept.  

It was now about 1:00 AM and too late to watch the scary episode of CSI since even the commercials warned you to be prepared.  I couldn’t watch anything that might involve cannibalism and then go to bed.  Luckily for me, The Millionaire Matchmaker  is running re-runs as well as new episodes and they seem to  be back to back.  I stayed up until 2:00 AM watching more mindless matchmaking.  Well, let me say that Patti isn’t doing her job mindlessly lol, it’s me watching her show mindlessly.

And that’s how it took me 6 hours to unwind from a week of terrible stress.  None of the issues and problems that are causing the stress are resolved but by 2 AM, I couldn’t care less!

Gordon Ramsey

Gordon Ramsey (Photo credit: jo-marshall (was Jo-h))

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